Thursday, 24 July 2014

The Beginning Of A New Life

The traditional walk after inauguration brought the President-Elect right to me. As she shook my hand, I asked her, “What should I do with my life?”

She turned back to face me, those famously intense eyes locking on mine. “Chase your dreams, young man. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something, that you’re not good enough. If you work hard and dream big, anything is possible, you can have anything you want if you work hard and apply yourself.” She finished, clasping my hand in hers.

The Supreme Court ruled 6-3 that this wasn’t a valid defence.

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Quite Unlike Rain On Your Wedding Day

She was staring at the screen, her face a mixture of confusion and disgust.

“Who the hell are these guys?”

I leaned back and glanced at her screen.

“Answer is Hippocrates.”

She looked back at me.

“You sure?”

I shrugged.

“Not 100% by any means, but talking about not divulging that which ought not to be spoken of abroad, that’s ye olde speaky and since he’s the only option older than the internet, I’d say he’s your man.”

She turned back and clicked on his name.

“Hey, right! Awesome, thanks!”

I then saw the topic and laughed at the irony.

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Celebrating The Frequently Used, Yet Underappreciated Letter

Ever see something creative where they ensured the letter E vanished? Like, every single miniscule segment lacked even one single E. Sure, there’s challenge, there’s creativity, even brilliance clearly viewable inside them. Escaping the E usage, complex undertaking, really.

Yet, the idea really bothers me. E’s clearly used often, yes, however the usage’s clearly warranted. The frequency E appears doesn’t mean E’s better, doesn’t mean E’s worse. E’s like another letter chosen indiscriminately, operating inside the English language, ideally suited.

Maybe overreacting here, however, personally? E deserves gratitude, E deserves credit, E deserves recognition, E deserves usage where appropriate.


Monday, 21 July 2014

Existence Failure

It was the door into the staff break room. At least, it was supposed to be. Right now, it opened into the basement.

Stepping through that door, the concepts of reality and existence would be shattered. Merely realising that the door led to somewhere it wasn’t supposed to, that would begin a journey that would break through the falsehoods that held us all back, and would bring about an enlightenment unlike anything humanity had ever seen.

But luckily for the universe, he was too busy watching silly cat videos on his laptop, and so the universe had time to correct.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

From The Top

“From the top.”

There was a groan from the rest of the band. The percussion section all glared at me meaningfully, so I took a deep breath and spoke up.

“Boss, we’ve been rehearsing this set for two months now, and we’re coming onto… What, eighteen hours straight. The gig’s tomorrow, no, sorry, tonight, and we kinda need to get some sleep before we, you know, perform?”

He didn’t look impressed.

“We’re not leaving until I’m satisfied, even if we stay on this rooftop straight through till showtime, understand?”

So, with no other options, I threw him from the top.

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Without A Leg To Stand On

Everyone’s got a crutch, except me.

Most people, it’s easy to spot. You never see them without some very specific blend of overpriced coffee in a disposable fashion accessory. Or most evenings they are out looking to score, looking to screw or just drowning it all away.

Others, it’s much more subtle. They need reinforcements that they’re pretty, or right, or just orders from someone. The crutch is in their heads, but it’s still real.

Everyone but me has got a crutch. It’s a good feeling to not rely on something, every day I thank God for his blessing me.

Friday, 18 July 2014

African And/Or European

She wasn’t used to being on her knees like this. And she knew that he knew it too, given the way he was looking down at her, his lips stuck in a delighted smug smirk. She could only hold his gaze for a moment, before she looked back down at the ground. Yes, he was a Prince and all, but even so, to be here, doing this… She was above this sort of thing, but she had no choice.

She swallowed, slowly.

“My Lord, I… humbly request some troops to protect my family’s land from the raiders ravishing our peasants…”