Sunday, 26 April 2015

Harder Than It Sounds

You’d be surprised just how hard it is to find someone with the knowledge to truly wipe out humanity, with current tech. Plenty of people have a vague idea, but having a workable plan that is sure to work? There’s precisely three.

One a hacker who could hack into every defence grid and set them all off. But he’s too busy getting nude photos off celebrities’ phones.

The second knows because it’s her job to prevent humanity’s sudden extinction.

Thankfully the third, who isn’t allowed to leave his padded room or to have sharp objects, his security is unforgivably lax…

Saturday, 25 April 2015

The Smartest Guy In The Room

There was a roll of thunder, appropriately enough, after he had made his dramatic announcement.

In the near-silence that followed (there was still a storm going on outside, after all), we all looked at each other.

“No”, we said in unison.

He looked stunned. His blood stained clothing did look expensive, maybe he’d never had anyone disagree with him.

He began to talk about how no-one else had an idea, and that as the smartest guy in the room, he should lead us.

I’d say the Zed coming in at that point was ironic, but since it later killed me…

Friday, 24 April 2015

Picking Up Signals

There was a time when I wouldn’t have noticed.

The subtle glance, the genuine smile, the crossed arms… Before, they would all have flown right over my head.

I don’t make excuses for it, but I know the reasons. I didn’t get out much, I had low self-esteem, I’d pine over unavailable women… Typical male hang-ups, I get that.

I’m not saying I was unique, as if I’m the only male in history to have these problems. I’m just saying, I used to be unable to tell that a woman wanted me.

Now I can.

And I no longer care…

Thursday, 23 April 2015

Taking Flight

There was a loud crash as I entered the workshop. After some cursing, he looked over at me.

“Thank you for coming. I know we’ve fought before, but as the only other person in this town with any concept of mechanical engineering, you’re the only person I can show this to who might understand it.”

With that, he turned and pulled out a wing from under a blanket, and then demonstrated the flap mechanism. My jaw dropped as I realised what that meant.

“You shown anyone else this?”

“No, just you.”


I picked up a pipe and killed him.

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

The End Of The World Button

The tests Worlpin the Wonderful had set to become his apprentice were difficult. So difficult in fact that in twenty years, not one man, woman or child had come close to passing them.

So imagine my annoyance when some other guy passed all of them too.

Worlpin was showing us both around his home when he pointed to a button on the wall.

“End of the world button I made, don’t press.”

The other guy nodded, while my frustration boiled over.

“Why the hell do you even have that button? That’s stupidly dangerous!”

Worlpin smiled.

“You’re hired!” he told me.

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

The Bad Guy

I didn’t want to be the bad guy.

Well, I suppose most people are like that. I can’t imagine anyone waking up and going ‘Time to be evil!’

Instead, I wake up and go ‘Time to be hated!’

Hard choices have to be made in hard times. The settlement is low on supplies, and every day is worse.

I could show mercy, try and keep everyone alive, but then the supplies would run out in a month at best.

No no, choosing the least valuable residents for slaughter and consumption is the logical option.

But somehow, I’M the bad guy…

Monday, 20 April 2015

Momentary Respite

He slowly lowered himself to the hard dirt while leaning his sword against the tree. For the first time in years, he could take a moment to relax.

The day was won, the battle all but over, the demonic hordes cut off from this plane, the evil menace that sort to bring them here dead, his followers either dead, running or in chains.

As he leant back against the stump, he let his eyes close slowly. He was a little worse for wear, sure, but nothing a good potion couldn’t heal, in a few minutes.

His eyes never opened again.